Wednesday, January 4, 2012

2012: The slightly more attractive older sibling of 2011

As the holidays come to their close, I wanted to reflect on this past year of my life.  Don't worry, I'll have a fresh rant for my next entry (fresh like I haven't ranted about it before, not like Fresh Prince fresh).

So many things have happened to my little family.  For one thing, my little family got just a little bit bigger with the additional of Miss Baby, Zora Robin.  She's been a joy and a challenge...a very hungry, loud, joyous challenge.  Claire has become quite the tiny lady with words and attitude and a great sense of humor.  Rob and I have just gotten more haggard and more boring.  I'd like to say I'm joking, but sadly I'm not.  Having two children under 2 is tough and honestly, we weren't that exciting before.  (If we seemed that way, you may have just been drunk.)  In fact, as I attempt to write this my husband is pacing the floor trying to soothe Miss B and also trying to educate me (against my will) about the college football bowl games.  Every two minutes or so he pops around the corner and says, "Hey honey, blah blah blah blah."  Replace the "blah"s with whatever happens in college football, I care not. 

So, anyway, back to our year in review.  I started writing this blog to chronicle raising these babies without the help of TV or meds.  Sadly, it seems I need to change the subtitle of my blog because both have crept into the equation.  Not only are we watching a touch of the tube from time to time to soothe the savage toddler, but I have thrown in the towel.  The towel on trying to fight this PPD fight on my own.  I called my doctor, cried like a fool on the phone and was promptly prescribed some happy pills (Zoloft).  So far they just make me feel loopy so I'm hesitant to say that this is better.  Since I've basically been pregnant or breastfeeding for the past three years, loopy is something I rarely experience.  Unless you count extreme exhaustion, which is not the same thing. 

I truly wish that I could say that we have completely cut TV out of our lives, that Claire is reading in several languages now because of cutting TV out and that I am well-rested, pleased all of the time and ready to rock my bikini in May.  None of these things are true, though.  That being said, I have a distinct feeling of Oh-Well.  It's an interesting feeling that I don't think I have felt much in my years of attempted over achievement and attempted perfection.

I can say that in the year 2011 I discovered that I am doing a pretty good job at this whole parenting thing.  This wasn't a result of my mom's constant cheering or my husband's reassurances.  It was a result of being honest with myself in a very public forum.  Writing this blog and the responses that I have received have been so incredibly comforting. 

I very much live vicariously through Facebook, as I have mentioned previously.  I don't care, judge me for it.  It's the most popular app on my phone.  It seemed to me from this little window to the outside world that everyone's child was bilingual, well-behaved and walking by 8 months.  My child, on the other hand, speaks only English with a good bit of Clairish(which I guess makes her bilingual), is rotten (but cute) and didn't walk until she was nearly 11 months old. (You will note no reference to Miss B here because she has yet to become rotten or walk or talk, for that matter, because she is too busy being hungry and complainy.)  I used this window to put ridiculous expectations on myself and my children.  I resented people and children that I hardly knew based on representations posted in the form of pictures and status updates.  I have to hand it to some of you.  You painted a lovely picture and I was green with envy.  It seems so silly now, in hind sight.  I would call my sister and recount to her what everyone else's child was doing and was Claire okay because she was not yet doing the same.  If you're doing this to yourself, stop.  It will surely drive you crazy.  I will mark myself as Exhibit A here.

I am gladly bidding adieu to 2011 and welcoming 2012.  My mom says even-numbered years are always better anyway.  My hope for myself is that I can look back on 2011 as the year that we completed our family, I lost my mind, and shortly thereafter found it.

I feel like TV has become that sneaky bastard buzzy fly that always finds its way into your bedroom at night and drives you crazy but you just can't catch it. Television in our house is very much in the background.  It doesn't control our lives, it's hardly an afterthought on some days but at times, I just want to squish it.  Tonight is one of those times as I retreat to the upper regions of our home to escape the noises of the game or NFL Network or whatever other program is on where the announcers are making up words left and right.  P.S. Stick-to-it-ed-ness is not and never will be a word.  Here's to hoping 2012 is filled with wonderful things and not the apocalypse. 

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